The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
