I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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