i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
