okay pat passed out under dana's car
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize