I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
