i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
