My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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