Kiss
Puke
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
