Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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