Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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