hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
