You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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