Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
People in love make me want to vomit
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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