I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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