Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
