I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
