guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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