i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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