i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
