If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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