why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
