I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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