I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry about my life...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
