yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
