I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize