Yo dont text me then not text me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Randomize
