Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
No subtext here. People are naked.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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