He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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