happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize