Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
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its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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