I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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