I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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