oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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