at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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