when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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