and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
