Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Randomize
