No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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