Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
