So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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