Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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