now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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