yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
