he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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