i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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