so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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