My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
