If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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