Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need water and some morals
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
