I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
