I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
