So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
