let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
