Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
