Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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