had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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