can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
