She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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