Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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