Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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